Duck & Cover

Duck & Cover? Why 'duck & cover', you may ask. Well, my dear friends, it's because it's raining. Oh, it ain't raining water though...that would be too easy and not blog-worthy. It's much worse than that.

Here in my happy little world, it's raining F-bombs. It's raining F-bombs like you can't even imagine. It's not a T-storm...its a great big F-storm. And this guy right here is getting all soaked.

I'll start this off by saying the past several weeks have been very hard on me. Both kids have honestly made me re-think my desire to stay home with them on a full-time basis. Ian with his continual bad behavior, not to mention towards some other kids. There used to be some sort of predictibility: Either he was hungry or tired, or it was usually with just the boys, or it was generally with smaller (18mo-2yrs) kids, or only being less than nice to kids he knows/is comfortable with. All that is out the window...he's randomly downright rotten to some children and it bugs the shit out of me. But I mean, c'mon, who wants to see their kid be a douche bag and be mean to people?

He also has a newfound love for dragging bedtime on longer and longer...his downright refusal to go to sleep is oh-such a joy! Fer chrisssakes, close your eyes, recharge your batteries and get ready to raise some more hell tomorrow morning!!!

And Leah with her desire to not let me do anything without holding her. In the beginning of the morning, she's okay playing with toys, but after she gets fed up with that, she is a total pain in the ass the rest of the day.

She won't tolerate toys for more than, say 2 minutes without emitting the most obnoxious/annoying whine/shrill I think I've ever heard....well, besides Ian not getting HIS way, but that is actually comical. Whenever he doesn't get something he wants, he immediately declares it as his 'favorite' thing or part of the day. Even if it's something he's never done before.

Allison thinks I'm crazy, but Leah is totally different with me than she is with her. She'll sit there and play nicely next to Allison for any stretch of time. But me? I play with her for awhile and then try to feed my firstborn? You would think I stuck a fork in her eye.

I think she'll become more easily distracted once she can eat solid foods and begin snacking on cheerios and other Godsends. Hey, honey, bored and can't have me? Here, eat something! Thats not leading her down the wrong path later in life, is it?

I know these are normal phases that the kids are going through, and it will pass. Knowing that helps me get through the days and weeks without pulling my (or the kids') hair out. It has been a rough patch, but overall, I know I got a good thing going being able to stay home with my kids.

I know that if I throw in the towel and go back to work right now, I WILL regret giving up on the opportunity to watch my kids grow up firsthand...Yeah, that and I will feel like a complete asshole for bailing on my kids when the going got tough. The kids just wear me down with watching Ian like a hawk because he's gonna bitch-slap some kid for not letting him go down the slide first...and Leah being pissed at me because I have to use two hands to punish Ian!

So here I am, sticking it out. Each day is a new day for the kids to piss me off...I mean each day is a new day for us to have fun together!!!!

Anyhoo, thats the backstory of why the past few weeks have been downright sucky for me. Now onto the direct result of my stretch of shitty weeks.

Apparently my brain filter has been malfunctioning recently, because Ian's new favorite word is fuckin'. Looking back, um, I know exactly where he has heard the word being used repeatedly, reinforcing it's position in his vocabulary.

I actually forget the first few times he said it. But Allison and I decided that we would just ignore it and let it run it's course. Because as you may know, Ian is the type of kid to just hammer on something if he knows he's not supposed to.

I'm sure you'd like a few examples as to how Ian uses that parent-cringing word:

This past Thursday we were leaving a friend's house and Leah's bib fell out of my backpack. Well, Ian noticed it as he was climbing into his carseat. He sat there, buckling himself in and said to me as I was putting Leah in the car: "Daddy, don't forget the fuckin' bib." He was even nice enough to point to it as he was saying it to show me where it was.

Later that day Ian was riding his bike in the driveway and got stuck on a little stick, so I gave him a little push. This is how Ian said 'thank you': Daddy, let go of my fuckin' back!.

Would you like more?

Just today, I was helping Ian open a gate at a playground. I was pretty sure that Ian didn't want assistance when he blurted out: Daddy, I can open it on my fuckin' own!

Let me tell you how it warms my heart to hear my firstborn, my own flesh and blood start a sentence in his own innocent little voice with "Daddy"....and to hear him end it with "on my fuckin' own".

OK, this is getting depressing, so only one more example...and this is probably the funniest one too. We were at a children's birthday party on Sunday (can ya just feel it now?) and Ian had an 'accident'. So Allison went up to the bathroom and changed him (he was already in a pull-up, so no big mess) and Allison started talking to him about going to the bathroom:

Allison: "Now Ian, when you have to go to the bathroom, when you have to pee or poop, where should you go?"

Ian: "On the fuckin' potty!"

She said she did her best at containing herself until she heard the father of the birthday boy outside the door burst out laughing.

Obviously our strategy of ignoring it isn't working...granted, it's only been a week or so, but that's long enough for me. I had a little chat with Ian the other day about that word and how its bad and daddy won't say it anymore and neither will Ian. I reprimand him when he says it, but will begin giving timeouts and make the punishments harsher until he learns its not worth saying anymore. I'm just cringing everytime he opens his mouth at the playground now.

Let me just tell you how I'm waiting with baited breath to hear Leah's first word.

Okay, thats enough for tonight. I'm tired, so I'm going to fuckin' bed.