PENIS POWER!

I had a really cool father/son adventure on Tuesday.

We went to Allison's uncle's lake house for dinner. It was thunder & lightning when we got there but then it cleared up, so Ian and Leah got their bathing suits on and splashed around in the water for a little bit. Then Ian wanted to "really" go swimming, so I got my bathing suit on, we strapped a life vest on Ian and the two of us swam out to an island about a quarter mile out.

He was so excited to be swimming in the lake! He just absolutely loved the idea that we were swimming somewhere other than a pool and that we were not near the edge of the lake. He just kept talking the whole way out there. He was talking about everything and everything. That's how you know he's really excited. Once we got to the island, we just sat on the rocks for a bit and talked about what we had just done.

About a minute after we got there, everyone on the deck at the house yelled in unison "Good job, Ian!". He LOVED it. I mean he was in all his glory. From that point onward he just kept talking about everyone yelling about him. We explored the island for a few minutes until I saw there were broken beer bottles out in the major area of the island. Since we didn't have water shoes, I steered him back to the edge where we chilled for a bit more and then started the swim back to the house.

He was just as chatty on the way back as he was on the way out. You could tell he was getting tired though. He was swimming at a MUCH slower rate and I had to 'pull' him along several times. We got back to the house, dried off and ate dinner. He fell asleep not 3 minutes after leaving the house, because he was so wiped out!

It really was one of the best father/son adventures we've had, in a LONG time...maybe ever. I know some pics were taken, so I can't wait to see them. But until those surface, here is a zoomed in picture of the island I took from my cell phone. The view from the deck is much nicer, but I wanted to get the rocks up which we scrambled (in the middle):

You would think that the title of the blog would relate to the above story, how the father and son had a great adventure and that they were unstoppable: "GO PENIS POWER!" Believe it or not, that is not the case. There is a story behind that emphatic title.

On Sunday we went over to Allison's parents for dinner, as we do most Sundays. Well, we were hanging around the kitchen table when Ian and Leah decided to run amok outside on the back deck. Before we knew it, Ian had stripped off all his clothes and was pretending to be a super hero.

The funniest part was him standing proudly, stark naked, with hands on hips shouting at the top of his lungs "PENIS POWER!" and then running full tilt across the deck.

I take that back. The funniest part was Leah mimicing him, yelling PENIS POWER and then HER running full tilt across the deck in all her glory.

And, no, you will not see any pictures of that!

Garage Door:1 Mouse: 0

Threw up in my mouth a little...okay, a LOT.

Yesterday we took the kids on an impromptu trip to Lake Compounce, which is an area amusement park/water park. My initial reaction when Allison suggested going there was that she was nucking futz, seeing how it was a saturday in the middle of summer.

I have grown to be, shall we say 'not fond', of large crowds. Not that I'm nervous around them or get claustrophobic, it's just that I find that when large masses of people (and in yesterday's case, masses of large people...VERY large people) are in one place, I get really annoyed.

I have noticed that has really only been since we have had kids. One reason is that I'm deathly afraid of losing one of the kids in a large crowd like that. Both times that we've been to this amusement park I have seen one kid hysterical because he lost his parents...and then you see the frantic parent looking for their kid. Man, that scares me.

The other reason I am not a fan of crowds is due to the logistics of maneuvering through the throngs of people, especially when strollers are involved. It bugs the shit out of me when I'm trying to get somewhere and you have to dodge around these assholes who will walk as slow as possible and then STOP and just stand there.

Or the people will slightly change directions, then change their mind and then cut back in front of you, and then maybe go another way and then right back in front of you. And then what do they do? STOP and just stand there.

My very favorite is when a group of people congregate in the most asinine/inconvenient places, like right in the middle of the pathway of where ever you may be. For instance, yesterday we forgot swim diapers for Leah so we went into a little store and bought one. People were standing there talking right in the main aisleway of the store right at the entrance, therefore blocking access to the cashier and the store itself and not to mention blocking the exit.

Granted, it was a small store, but these people weren't buying anything or shopping. They were standing there just gabbing. People also have a habit of doing that right in the main thoroughfare of the park...just standing there in the middle of the walkway either looking at a map or just talking. DUDE, MOVE OVER AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!

I'm sure these are very nice people outside of these situations...but when it comes to times like these, they are all assholes, the whole lot of 'em. Consider this a PSA: Please don't be that group! Please be aware of your surroundings and be courteous of others trying to get by.

Okay, how the hell did I get off on that tangent? Anyway, so we decided to go to Lake Compounce as it would be fun even with the major crowds..and we were right. We started off in the section with the kiddie rides. It seems that Ian has outgrown a few of them, as he looked bored on a couple of them, but Leah was in her glory! But don't feel bad for Ian, as there were plenty more on which he had an absolute blast! There were a few rides that Ian wanted to go on by himself, but there were also some he wanted us to go with him, like the kid-friendly 'Free Fall' and a scaled down roller coaster.

After we went on some rides we stopped for a snack and then made our way to the water park. This is where we encountered the most crowds, and where it became the most frustrating, but what can you do? It was a hot weekend day in the middle of the Summer.

First we went into a shallow pool for the smaller kids where they had little slides, swings and places to just poke around. Leah was getting kind of cranky at that point and she wasn't having fun so Allison took her to the beach, which was right next to the water park. She seemed to be content playing in the sand there. After a little bit Ian wanted to go to the beach and swim in the lake, so we went and did that. Ian and I went into the water and we practiced him swimming a little bit, but then he had fun playing a new game: We would be in the water up to his chest, and then he would want me to stay there while he made his way up to the shoreline to say hi to Allison and Leah and then would make his way back out to me.

I was a little hesitant at first, but it wasn't all that far and I knew I'd be able to get to him in a matter of seconds if he went under, so I let him do this game. Apparently this was a fun game as he kept doing this over and over.

After a while of doing this, Leah was getting towards the end of her rope and Ian was starting to get cold. So we were able to convince Ian to go down a big water slide one time before we left. There was a height restriction of 54" to ride it, so I couldn't go with him, but I waited in line with him. There was an enclosed tower with concrete steps to get up to the top, which had a bizarre odor within it. I knew I knew that smell, but I just couldn't place it. So we waited in line for about 10 minutes. We were close to the top, about 5 kids from going on the slide when IT happened. What is 'IT', you ask? Oh let me tell you.

In front of us in line was this boy, probably 7 or 8. He was all by himself and wasn't talking to anyone, which is fine. Like I said, we were just about at the top, so we had invested some time waiting in line, and this was the last thing we were doing before leaving. So the boy in front of us had his arms stretched out and was holding onto both railings on either side of him. I saw him glance to the left of him, then to the right and then there 'IT' was: A steady stream of pee going down his legs and bathing suit and splashing on the steps and then running down them.

I have definitely gotten better at not using curse words around the kids. I learned my lesson last year with Ian and the F bomb. What did I say when I saw all this pee? "Uhhhhhh!" What did I want to say? "HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? DO THEY MAKE SWIM DIAPERS FOR 8 YEAR OLDS??? AAAGGGGGHHH!"

I looked up at the kid and he just stared straight ahead not saying a peep acting like nothing happened. Now I can't really blame him for that, as that's what I do when I release a floating air biscuit in public. But there is a difference between offensive air and body fluid. Offensive air is rude, releasing body fluid is just plain fucked up, not to mention unsanitary.

It was at this point that I finally realized what that smell eminating from the stairwell was: A port-o-john. I looked down and ALL the steps were wet...like, really wet. Then it dawned on me that this kid was NOT the first one to do this on this day. It was just too wet in there to be just water dripping from the pool. I swear to God I nearly gagged. No joke, for HOURS afterwards, my stomach was just turning.

We were SO close to the top, like I said, just a few riders...so I immediately put Ian to the side of the step, told him ONLY to climb on the side and then would meet him at the bottom. It's not that I was abandoning him, but it was as far as I could go, as only riders were allowed beyond that point. I figured what the hell, apparently we had been standing in a cesspool for 10+ minutes, why worry Ian about it or include him in my gut-wrenching discovery. S0 I left him to go meet him at the bottom of the slide, as he was concerned if anyone would be there to help him get off the slide and into the water.

I ran down the stairs, head a spinning just looking at everyone standing on the piss-soaked steps totally unaware of the vomit-inducing discovery I had just made. It was so fucking nasty. I swear I'm almost gagging right now just thinking about that.

You know whats the worst part about it? That poor boy was dehydrated. It looked like he was pissing orange juice. His parents should be disciplined for a) not making sure he drank enough during the day and b) for not teaching him that it's NOT OKAY TO PISS ON THE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU IN LINE!

Yuck. It'll take me awhile to come to grips with that.

Anyway, here are the pictures of the good times we had, pre piss-exposure:

And this is how my tummy feels just thinking about how I was standing barefoot in a shitload of other peoples urine outputs:

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes.....

I'm in the process of funktifying my little corner of the web.

I finally figured out how to add links (apparently it's all in the template you choose, imagine that), and will work on jazzing it up a bit.

I can't tell who reads my site (besides those who comment), so if you'd like me to link to your site, please let me know and I'll be happy to do so. As long as I know you or would be interested in knowing you...all spammers will be ridiculed.

I already added some links that I could think of from the (balding) top of my head. If I forgot you, please forgive me. I've only had one cup of coffee so far. Oh, and Meri, I didn't forget you, I just don't have permission to view your page!

Now that I have a new phone that takes decent pictures, I'll be more vigilant on updating this and our goings on. Besides, it seems we'll be busy in the next few months, so I should have some stuff to report.

Now excuse me while I go and remedy that whole only one cup of coffee thing....

Results from Physical

I'm required to do a physical every year for the Fire Department, but it's more of a hearing test, TB test (for the volunteer EMT gig) and turn-your-head-and-cough type of physical.

I found out this winter that my PCP had moved away several months prior, so I figured that wasn't a good sign if I didn't even know about it. So I scheduled a physical (there was a 6 month wait list!) and finally had it last week.

I wanted a general check-up, but had a few issues that I wanted to bring up to him as well:

*I have a really gnarly, extremely pronounced vericose vein on my left leg. It looks like a major scar or that there is a huge rope embedded right under my skin. I brought it up to my PCP a few years ago, and he said as long as it doesn't hurt, don't worry about it. Well, the past year or so it's been getting uncomfortable if I'm standing...not major pain, but uncomfortable pressure in my leg. So it's time to get that checked out again.

*There is a mole in the middle of my back that Allison has noticed and doesn't really like the look of.

*Diabetes is rampant in my family and wanted to get that re-checked again.

*During my last physical for the Fire Department I came back borderline positive for Tuberculosis. Not that I have it, but that I may be a carrier for it. The nurses were very hesitant to declare me positive because that's something that follows you forever. They told me that I'm probably negative,not to worry about it, but get it rechecked in about 6 months.

*I couldn't remember the last Tetnus shot I got...I was reminded of this when I stepped on a piece of wood with a rusty nail in it. Fortunately I missed the nail, but it still triggered my fear.

SOOOOO, I went to the doc, he looked at my leg, my mole and my nuts. Fortuantely for me, I was able to avoid "Dr. Jellyfinger". I saw the tube of K-Y on the counter before he came in and started freaking out. I really, really, really don't want a man's finger up my ass. (Allison tells me I'm lucky I'm not a woman. That's fine. You keep all your interior plumbing and velvety soft hoo-hah, and I'll keep my anus a finger-free zone!)

Here's the rundown of the results:

Gnarly vein: was given 4 names of local vascular sugeons. I need to make an appointment to see one.

Mole on back: looks harmless, but he'll make a note to keep an eye on it.

Pee in cup: everything they test with that came back a-ok.

Nut fondling: no hernia

Bloodwork: Everything is in normal parameters...that means blood sugar (no diabetes), cholesterol (LDL & HDL), Triglycerides, no anemia, and all that other good stuff.

Also my thyroid measurement was in normal perameters (my doctor wanted it checked since my mom had Thyroid Cancer, and thyroid problems are hereditary).

Tetnus shot: Done, even still a bit sore 5 days later.

TB Test: NEGATIVE! Didn't get nearly the same reaction as I did last time. It wasn't even close to being borderline positive. I asked the nurse about this and she just said that people react differently to the test, and that i probably just had a more severe reaction last time.

So all in all, I'm pretty much as healthy as a toddler chasin', diaper changin' horse can be!

It's unofficially official

I really don't want to dwell on it, but today I have officially accepted that Dupree is gone.

I got some blood drawn today for tests for a routine physical, and the lab tech was a woman whom I know from the Fire Department. She lives almost directly behind us on the other side of the woods.

I asked her if she happen to have seen a black and grey striped cat in the last few weeks as ours had run away, and I was betting that she was romping around in those woods and maybe had made her way down there.

She said she hadn't seen a cat, but DID see a coyote yesterday back in the woods. There is no way Dupree is gonna take on one of those, and win. Besides, it's been nearly 3 weeks.

So, until she surprises me by sitting on our doorstep waiting to be let in, I'm considering her gone for good.

Later, kitty.

Oh, and one more thing. Bat at Marvin's balls for me, will ya?

Newsflash! This just in!

Can you all see me doing my happy dance?

The reason behind my happiness is that we found out this weekend that the rottweiler across the street who bit Ian in May was put to sleep recently! Apparently he was riddled with cancer.

YIPPEE!

Don't get me wrong, I'm an animal lover, and don't blame the dog for biting Ian, but I couldn't be any happier that this dog is off the face of the earth. He was just a rotten mo' fo' from the time we met him 6 years ago.

Apparently Ian isn't sad either. I asked him today where Marvin is, and he smiled and said "in Heaven." I asked him if he was sad that Marvin was there. His response: "No! He was a mean dog."

I do explain to Ian that he wasn't mean, he just didn't like people he didn't know, and was protective of his family.

Either way, he's out of our lives. Good riddance, I say.

Rot away, canine corpse.