Come one, come all! Have a look at 2 items up for sale, both items going to the highest bidder(s).
UNIT 1 - Description
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Male, aged approximately 4.5 years. Partially potty-trained, fully pompous.
Likes: to run around play-fighting, wrestling, and being physically active. Completely self-reliant & independent and will remind you on an hourly basis. Has no problem barking out orders or hatching mischievous plans. He likes to play games, especially ones that he creates such as 'who can hit the hardest'. Loves playing this game with his sister or girls in his school who he finds out are older than him. Has a special affinity for pushing people's buttons, particularly his sister's. Can be cuddly and affectionate, but usually comes with strings attached.
Dislikes: Harmony. Also dislikes taking direction from anybody at any time. He dislikes change and will fight it tooth and nail. Throws impressive tantrums when faced with change. Dislikes not getting his way and will sabotage any subsequent things that come after he realizes he won't get his way. Severe dislike, even almost allergy-like, to playing by himself. Self entertainment is a completely foreign concept.
This unit may or may not rest well at night, and would be best suited in an environment without older or younger siblings. Parental units who enjoy verbal abuse welcomed to bid. *DISCLOSURE* This unit tends to behave well in public and can be polite, it's the home environment that's a doozy.
UNIT 2 - DESCRIPTION
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Female, aged approximately 2 years. Completely unpotty-trained & full-blooded chatterbox.
Likes: Talking. Repeats phrases ad-nauseum, even after acknowledgment. Will yammer on for hours, no batteries needed. Fluent in non-sequitur phrasings. Also likes to completely disobey and test boundaries. Particularly enjoys pissing her brother off and bonking his head with sippy cup. Loves to parrot other people, without understanding what she's saying. Also loves to show her artistic creativity, especially on anything OTHER than generally accepted art mediums.
Dislikes: Silence. Also getting hair brushed.
This unit loves to show affection, and has no problem saying 'I love you' to you, as well as to the inanimate object next to you. She would do particularly well in an environment with other young female child units, or with those who are deaf.
These two units don't mesh well, so will be sold separately. Sale goes to the highest or initial bidder, whichever comes first.
Will ship for free. However due to the economy, packages may arrive separately. Re-assembly is responsibility of new owner.
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Obviously I won't sell my children, as that is illegal. Anyone who is interested in bartering though, please contact me.
How is YOUR week going?
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4 comments:
Are you considering a trade? The varied landscaped might offer both of us new perspectives on our kids. I kid.. I kid... Well, sort of.
Oh, goodness...Ian sounds scarily exactly like Liam except add in Leah's chattiness. I never realized how much of a talker I am not and how much I loved silence until I had him.
Man - you are a good writer. I couldn't stop laughing. I can't wait to see what you come up with next. It will get easier, I promise.
I'll trade you one un-potty trained 13 month old that is a TV junkie who pulls stuff off tables onto her head.
Nothing is required in return for this trade.
Brian
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