An oldie but a goodie - the beginnings of my writing.

I was packing up some more stuff today and came across a letter I wrote in October 2000. I quickly recognized the letter, but had completely forgotten about it until I saw it today.

I consider it to be probably one of my finest pieces of letter writing, besides the letter I sent to an ex-girlfriend who had cheated on me describing that if she continued her bed-hopping ways, her privates would look like a greasy pizza with all the toppings. I think this one is the best because of what I said, how I said it, as well as the outcome that it produced. The only unfortunate thing about it, is the reason behind me writing it.

I'm not going to go into great detail as I'm going to do enough typing re-writing the 2.5 pages of excellence, but here is a synopsis: The hotel where we booked our rehersal dinner & lodging for the guests of our wedding was a wreck. The management and some employees there didn't know their asses from their elbows, and it showed.

You know how I used to change names of places to protect them? Meh, not this time. I'll delete the last names of the people involved, but that's about it. Here goes:

October 10, 2000
Radisson Hotels
Attn: Customer Service Department
blah blah blah for address

Re: Springfield/Enfield Radisson Hotel

To whom it may concern:

It is my belief that your department should know what happened at your hotel thie weekend of September 2, 2000, which was the weekend of my wedding. Previously, my fiance and I decided that your hotel, which at the time was in the process of renovation, would be a wonderful place for our guests to stay.

Little did I know that what was supposed to be one of the best weekends of my life was dashed by the shortcomings of the staff employed at the Radisson in Enfield, CT.

I had previously booked two rooms on my credit card. One room, reserved under [insert Toddler Chasin' Maniac's dad's name], my father, was for Friday and Saturday nights. The other room, which was reserved under my name, was for Saturday and Sunday nights. I had a confirmation number for each of those rooms.

About a month before the wedding, I received a list of all booked rooms. I quickly noticed that the room booked under my name had been transferred to one of our wedding guests. This was my room because it had the same confirmation number I was originally given.

Phyllis, who was extremely helpful, confirmed that the room had inexplicably transferred into this guest's name. Phyllis asked for my credit card number and told me that she would make sure I had a room for Saturday and Sunday nights.

Saturday, September 2, 2ooo, my new bride and I went to the lobby to check into our room. We chitchatted with the front office manager (A.J. [Goofyhead]); we were given our room key cards and headed off to Room 601 expecting to get a good rest after a long day. Instead, we were met by key cards that did not work as well as occupants in our reserved room.

Mr. [Goofyhead] explained to us that apparently a hotel employee/desk clerk gave away our room without entering it into the computer system and that there were no other rooms available that night. Mr. [Goofyhead] was extremely apologetic and offered to put us up for the night at a hotel near Bradley Airport, which is over thirty minutes away. At this point, it was 2:30am and we were exhausted, so we were not going to drive to another hotel.

My brother offered us his room and told us that he and his fiance would stay with someone else. A half-hour later, my wife of twelve hours cried herself to sleep. Apparently, this was not what she had in mind for our wedding night.

The next morning we checked out trying to put the incident behind us. Mr. [Goofyhead] was still behind the front desk and he instructed the clerk who was checking us out to deduct one night from our hotel bill. My wife signed the bill and we walked out. After leaving, we noticed that the clerk only deducted $50 from the bill, rather than the full amount as directed by Mr. [Goofyhead].

While checking out, Mr. [Goofyhead] gave us his business card and told us that any weekend we wanted to come back he would pay for our room. As nice as that sounds on the surface, I do not understand why he would expect us to return to that establishment after having our room on our wedding night taken away from us. This offer is even less appealing knowing that my wife's parents live fifteen minutes away. If we were to return to the area for an overnight stay, we would stay there.

We provided that hotel with 64 occupied rooms that weekend, which equals to one-third of the capacity. We held our rehersal dinner on the hotel premises and our guests packed the hotel bar both Friday and Saturday nights until closing and drank its supply of beer out of stock. Many of our guests also ate meals in the hotel restaurant and ordered room service.

In short, our group spent a lot of money at this hotel and I feel that my wife and I deserve more compensation than free lodging for a weekend in Enfield. Please understand that I am aware of my brother's fiance, [Pensyltucky Erin], had a conference call with Mr. [Goofyhead] and a representative from Radisson sometime last month.

It is my understanding that [Pensyltucky Erin] agreed that a free weekend at any Radisson in the country and a gift certificate towards dinner would be adequate compensation. Although it is a nice gesture, it is not enough to keep my wife and I from telling all the business travelers we know about how a Radisson Hotel gave away our room on our wedding night.

For your information, these are not the only complaints by guests of the Enfield Radisson for that weekend. Many of our guests were met by other inadequacies of the hotel employees. I am sure you have received complaints about them already, if not you will.

I do however want to comliment Phyllis, Susan [Hoffenfleishenflowergerger] and their staff on the work and preperation for our rehersal dinner held in the Springfield/Longmeadow Room on Friday, September 1, 2000. They went to great lengths in helping us choose menu items, hammer out details, and even help solve a problem of ours not hotel related. This is especially true for Phyllis, who sincerely is a customer service oriented employee.

The purpose of this letter is to shed light on how grossly mismanaged your hotel was on this particular weekend. I sincerely hope this was an isolated incident with a known cause, and not the normal operating procedure for all hotels in the Radisson chain. I trust actions will be taken to ensure that this does not happen to future guests, especially newlyweds looking to spend their most anticipated night together in your establishment.

I have moved since the comment form was sent to me, my new address is listed below. I will refrain from filling out the comment form until I receive any compensation or acknowledgement of this letter in writing.

Sincerely,

Mr. & Mrs Toddler Chasin', Diaper Changin' Maniac.


Of course, the question begs to be asked is: What was the outcome??

A few weeks after the letter was sent, we received (via registered mail) 5 free nights to any Radisson anywhere in North America. We have since used them all, mostly for weddings where we were going to stay overnight.

So there you have it, what I consider one of my best examples of letter writing.

Of course that doesn't count my blogs. Profanity peppered throughout stories trumps demanding free overnight stays anytime.

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Speaking of profanity peppered throughout blogs, I was mowing my lawn today and noticed some dog shit. Immediately I could feel my blood boil, but quickly calmed down when I realized that it was on my neighbor's property. Not HERS, but the neighbor on the other side of us. It was really CLOSE to ours, but not on ours. It still irks me that the neighbor bitch still lets her dogs do that, but it wasn't my problem, so I let it go.

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In other news, unfortunatly there is still no definitive ending to the mysteriously vanishing Dupree. It's been two weeks since we've noticed that she was gone, so it could be up to 16 days since she actually disappeared out of thin air.

At first I was thinking that any moment now she'd saunter up out of the woods and I would have been worrying for nothing. But obviously with each passing day, it's not very likely that is going to happen.

I feel a little bad about not pursuing her whereabouts, like checking the local animal control officer for strays or roadkill on streets surrounding the forest. I haven't even been driving the neighborhood looking for her.

Unfortunately I really don't have too much awake time without the kids around. Besides, there is a shitload of woods behind us. I could go out and check there, but what are the chances of me coming across her (or her remains) in 200 acres of forest? Pretty much the only thing I've been doing is keeping an eye out for her while playing outside with the kids or looking into the forest while out on our deck.

The craziest thing is that Ian still hasn't said anything. I've been thinking about what to say when he DOES ask where Dupree is, and I've come to the decision to just say "I don't know where she is, bud. I haven't seen her." and just leave it at that.

I'm actually nervous about that whole conversation because I fucked up the death talk royally...and that was with a neighborhood dog whose name that he didn't even know. Nevermind a family pet that has been in the family longer than Ian has. Come to think of it, I could just say that his tormenting her is what led her to run away....

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Speaking of Ian tormenting things, we found out for SURE this past weekend that Ian has a heart afterall. He was watching 'Hook' with Allison on Sunday (a movie that I had never seen before), when he saw the part where Peter Pan as a baby is left on the ground in the middle of a rainstorm, in the middle of the night.

All of a sudden Ian started asking about why the baby was there and what was happening, and then Tinkerbell comes over and holds a leaf over Peter Pans head to shield him from the rain. Ian just opened the floodgates and began to cry uncontrollably.

He wasn't sad that we would do that to him or Leah, but he was sad that ANYONE would do that to a baby. It was really sweet, but it was painful to watch because he cried at my in-laws house, the whole way home and then while lying in bed going to sleep. He was also SUPER exhausted, but he was still talking about it the next day.

Poor little guy, at 4 years old worrying about why people would abandon a baby.

So when you see him, for God's sake, do NOT bring up the story of Peter Pan!

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In happier news, Ian is still going to camp 3 mornings a week and is absolutely loving it. We even got a babysitter out of the deal. One of the counselors that supervises Ian asked me a few weeks ago if we need a babysitter.

She said that Ian is her favorite and that she tells her mom about Ian all the time. She also loves interacting with Leah. Everytime I drop Ian off or pick him up, Leah goes right for her and she'll scoop her up and play with her for a few minutes. She has been doing this since one of the first days of camp, so I don't think it's a ploy for the counselor to get a babysitting gig.

We're going to try her out later this week, to see how it goes. She's going to come over to the house and play with the kids while I do some more prep work around the house, because we're getting down to crunch-time.

Our house goes on the market mid-August and there's a LOT of stuff left to do. I'm a little bit worried, but we still have a lot of time, so as long as we don't squander a whole lot of it I think we'll be okay.

Besides, we've already done a lot of what we need to do, so we can definitely see the improvements/changes taking place.

Okay, that's about it...like it's not long enough!

Other things have been going on, but my eyes are crossing from spending too much time in front of the computer.

Cheers, have fun, and if you see Dupree, tell her to get her ass home. Better yet, put down a can of tuna and you can keep her as your own.