Threw up in my mouth a little...okay, a LOT.

Yesterday we took the kids on an impromptu trip to Lake Compounce, which is an area amusement park/water park. My initial reaction when Allison suggested going there was that she was nucking futz, seeing how it was a saturday in the middle of summer.

I have grown to be, shall we say 'not fond', of large crowds. Not that I'm nervous around them or get claustrophobic, it's just that I find that when large masses of people (and in yesterday's case, masses of large people...VERY large people) are in one place, I get really annoyed.

I have noticed that has really only been since we have had kids. One reason is that I'm deathly afraid of losing one of the kids in a large crowd like that. Both times that we've been to this amusement park I have seen one kid hysterical because he lost his parents...and then you see the frantic parent looking for their kid. Man, that scares me.

The other reason I am not a fan of crowds is due to the logistics of maneuvering through the throngs of people, especially when strollers are involved. It bugs the shit out of me when I'm trying to get somewhere and you have to dodge around these assholes who will walk as slow as possible and then STOP and just stand there.

Or the people will slightly change directions, then change their mind and then cut back in front of you, and then maybe go another way and then right back in front of you. And then what do they do? STOP and just stand there.

My very favorite is when a group of people congregate in the most asinine/inconvenient places, like right in the middle of the pathway of where ever you may be. For instance, yesterday we forgot swim diapers for Leah so we went into a little store and bought one. People were standing there talking right in the main aisleway of the store right at the entrance, therefore blocking access to the cashier and the store itself and not to mention blocking the exit.

Granted, it was a small store, but these people weren't buying anything or shopping. They were standing there just gabbing. People also have a habit of doing that right in the main thoroughfare of the park...just standing there in the middle of the walkway either looking at a map or just talking. DUDE, MOVE OVER AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!

I'm sure these are very nice people outside of these situations...but when it comes to times like these, they are all assholes, the whole lot of 'em. Consider this a PSA: Please don't be that group! Please be aware of your surroundings and be courteous of others trying to get by.

Okay, how the hell did I get off on that tangent? Anyway, so we decided to go to Lake Compounce as it would be fun even with the major crowds..and we were right. We started off in the section with the kiddie rides. It seems that Ian has outgrown a few of them, as he looked bored on a couple of them, but Leah was in her glory! But don't feel bad for Ian, as there were plenty more on which he had an absolute blast! There were a few rides that Ian wanted to go on by himself, but there were also some he wanted us to go with him, like the kid-friendly 'Free Fall' and a scaled down roller coaster.

After we went on some rides we stopped for a snack and then made our way to the water park. This is where we encountered the most crowds, and where it became the most frustrating, but what can you do? It was a hot weekend day in the middle of the Summer.

First we went into a shallow pool for the smaller kids where they had little slides, swings and places to just poke around. Leah was getting kind of cranky at that point and she wasn't having fun so Allison took her to the beach, which was right next to the water park. She seemed to be content playing in the sand there. After a little bit Ian wanted to go to the beach and swim in the lake, so we went and did that. Ian and I went into the water and we practiced him swimming a little bit, but then he had fun playing a new game: We would be in the water up to his chest, and then he would want me to stay there while he made his way up to the shoreline to say hi to Allison and Leah and then would make his way back out to me.

I was a little hesitant at first, but it wasn't all that far and I knew I'd be able to get to him in a matter of seconds if he went under, so I let him do this game. Apparently this was a fun game as he kept doing this over and over.

After a while of doing this, Leah was getting towards the end of her rope and Ian was starting to get cold. So we were able to convince Ian to go down a big water slide one time before we left. There was a height restriction of 54" to ride it, so I couldn't go with him, but I waited in line with him. There was an enclosed tower with concrete steps to get up to the top, which had a bizarre odor within it. I knew I knew that smell, but I just couldn't place it. So we waited in line for about 10 minutes. We were close to the top, about 5 kids from going on the slide when IT happened. What is 'IT', you ask? Oh let me tell you.

In front of us in line was this boy, probably 7 or 8. He was all by himself and wasn't talking to anyone, which is fine. Like I said, we were just about at the top, so we had invested some time waiting in line, and this was the last thing we were doing before leaving. So the boy in front of us had his arms stretched out and was holding onto both railings on either side of him. I saw him glance to the left of him, then to the right and then there 'IT' was: A steady stream of pee going down his legs and bathing suit and splashing on the steps and then running down them.

I have definitely gotten better at not using curse words around the kids. I learned my lesson last year with Ian and the F bomb. What did I say when I saw all this pee? "Uhhhhhh!" What did I want to say? "HOLY FUCKING SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? DO THEY MAKE SWIM DIAPERS FOR 8 YEAR OLDS??? AAAGGGGGHHH!"

I looked up at the kid and he just stared straight ahead not saying a peep acting like nothing happened. Now I can't really blame him for that, as that's what I do when I release a floating air biscuit in public. But there is a difference between offensive air and body fluid. Offensive air is rude, releasing body fluid is just plain fucked up, not to mention unsanitary.

It was at this point that I finally realized what that smell eminating from the stairwell was: A port-o-john. I looked down and ALL the steps were wet...like, really wet. Then it dawned on me that this kid was NOT the first one to do this on this day. It was just too wet in there to be just water dripping from the pool. I swear to God I nearly gagged. No joke, for HOURS afterwards, my stomach was just turning.

We were SO close to the top, like I said, just a few riders...so I immediately put Ian to the side of the step, told him ONLY to climb on the side and then would meet him at the bottom. It's not that I was abandoning him, but it was as far as I could go, as only riders were allowed beyond that point. I figured what the hell, apparently we had been standing in a cesspool for 10+ minutes, why worry Ian about it or include him in my gut-wrenching discovery. S0 I left him to go meet him at the bottom of the slide, as he was concerned if anyone would be there to help him get off the slide and into the water.

I ran down the stairs, head a spinning just looking at everyone standing on the piss-soaked steps totally unaware of the vomit-inducing discovery I had just made. It was so fucking nasty. I swear I'm almost gagging right now just thinking about that.

You know whats the worst part about it? That poor boy was dehydrated. It looked like he was pissing orange juice. His parents should be disciplined for a) not making sure he drank enough during the day and b) for not teaching him that it's NOT OKAY TO PISS ON THE PEOPLE BEHIND YOU IN LINE!

Yuck. It'll take me awhile to come to grips with that.

Anyway, here are the pictures of the good times we had, pre piss-exposure:

And this is how my tummy feels just thinking about how I was standing barefoot in a shitload of other peoples urine outputs: