Home unimprovements

I have had exactly one home improvement project go smoothly, as planned, without any goof ups. And that was the installation of a new toilet in the bathroom of our finished basement. This streak goes back to as far as us owning homes (we bought our first house a little over 8 years ago)...Hell, I'm sure I even goofed up projects in our apartments before then.

Well, the latest project that allowed me to show my incompetence was to troubleshoot why the ceiling fan in our dining room wasn't working. I installed the fixture probably over a year ago and shortly afterwards the fan stopped working (first exhibit of incompetence). The lights in the fixture worked fine, so there really was no rush to get around to fixing it.

Well, since wood-burning season is upon us I decided now was the time to have at it. My reasoning is if you operate the fan in reverse it'll help draw up the warm air from downstairs (where the wood stove insert is) and help heat upstairs. Yesterday was my mother-in-law's day to take the kids from me, so I decided to dedicate part of the day to troubleshooting the problem with the fan.

I disassemble the unit (after shutting off the breaker, of course!) and take a look. Lo and behold I figure out the problem right away. Apparently the wires were hanging down and were rubbing against the spinny thing that turns the paddles (can you tell the level of my knowledge of all things mechanical? That would be 2nd exhibit of incompetence).

The insulation on a couple of the wires were worn down and the wires themselves were exposed. This apparently shorted out the system. I wasn't sure if this was enough to fry the motor, so I decided to cut the affected wires short (I lopped off from the exposed part up to the tip), and re-connect them (using the wire nut, of course).

After I reconnected the wires I stuffed them all up above the bracket into the housing unit in the ceiling and put the housing back on the unit. Before re-attaching the paddles, I turned on the breaker and tested out the spinny thing. Hey, it worked!!! Woo hoo! I was even impressed with myself for thinking to test it before I put it all back together (hey, baby steps).

So I put the whole contraption back together, including the light covers and bulbs. I turn on the fan to admire my work, voila! I then flip the switch for the lights so I can clean up with an abundence of light shining over me. Annnnnnnd whattayaknow, lights aren't working. Damn it! So now I've tried every combonation of light chain pulling and dimmer switch position...those puppies just aren't working.

So let that be a warning to my friends: Never have me take the lead on any of your home improvement projects. I'll gladly help out, I love doing this stuff and learning...I just don't have the mental capacity for installing anything more advanced than an electric can opener. And between you and me, I've fucked up one of those too.

But as far as my current problem/project goes, if it didn't bug me so much to eat in the dark, I'd wait another year or so to get back around to it....but it does, so I won't. So fret not Allison, we'll have light in the dining room soon enough. Maybe next week. But until then, at least we'll be warm while eating in darkness.